This past weekend I had the extremely pleasurable and cathartic experience of cutting all my hair off. Although I’ve had very short hair before, last time it was a gradual process from long and curly to medium-length to bob to short. This time, I simply grew it out to my shoulders and then got rid of all of it. Combined with the lifting of seasonal depression that accompanies the transition from winter to spring, I basically felt as if I had been reborn in my sister’s salon chair. I breathed a sigh of relief as she cut the bulk of my mousy brown hair off. I almost graduated to tears of joy as she shaved the sides of my head and I once more noticed the sensation of cool air against the nape of my neck. This may seem like an overly dramatic description of a haircut to some, but for me and a lot of other girls (and guys I’m sure), hair is kind of a big deal. Some of the reasons for which will be touched on below. For me, short hair is a big deal. More specifically short, loud hair. This time I went with a pink mohawk:
Now obviously the pink mohawk isn’t for everyone. It isn’t even really for me in the long run because that color is way too much of a pain in the ass to upkeep. But I do intend to keep the mohawk style in one form or another. My points touch more on the general positive externalities associated with unconventional hairstyle choices. But just for fun, let’s focus specifically on the benefits of the pink mohawk:
1. It’s streamlined. Like a shark fin.
Much like how the cartilaginous dorsal fin of the great white shark cuts through murky waters, pink mohawks allow for ease of movement through daily life. Because you know, fuck hair ties. Like seriously fuck hair ties. And bobby pins. And all those other things that never manage to hold more than like 72% of your hair in place.
2. With a pink mohawk, you’re just an oversized broadsword and small animal companion away from being an anime character.
That’s right, my hairstyle is strange and bright enough that I could almost walk right into an anime convention and someone would start making educated guesses about what series my cosplay was from. Furthermore, going through life with an outrageous hairstyle makes every day feel like the kind of adventure anime-you would have. Like you’re the star of your very own TV show. And hey, no one wants to watch your TV show if you do the same boring things every day, go crazy! If that’s not enough for you, a short hairstyle like a pink mohawk allows easy access to the fun world of wigs (a world which is exponentially more diverse with things like Etsy and Ebay)–you can literally have any hairstyle you want!
3. Confidence, by default.
When you have a hairstyle that more of less blends in, it is possible to do things with minimal confidence or gusto and no one will notice. But when you have a pink mohawk, you have to kind of go big or go home. You have to do things confidently and intentionally. Why might you ask? Well my inquisitive friend, picture someone dancing awkwardly at a club but instead of embracing the awkward and having fun, they shrink themselves down and keep their eyes cast at the floor to avoid drawing attention to themselves. Now picture that person has a pink mohawk. Doesn’t the scene get 100x more awkward and painful to envision? That’s because acting like you don’t want people to look at you while also sporting a pink mohawk is really stupid. So I find that when I do things, regardless of whether I’m doing them correctly or well, when I have a loud hairstyle I do them intentionally and with confidence. Often, just doing something confidently improves the quality of whatever it is you’re doing…or creates a really powerful illusion of quality. And that’s almost the same thing, right?
4. A person with a pink mohawk doesn’t give a shit about being seen as normal.
This is the big one. It’s less of an “I don’t give a fuck about you” (ok Big Sean) thing than it’s a “lets get this out of the way early” sort of thing. I’m not saying I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, I clearly do, or else I wouldn’t bother looking a certain way at all. I would probably wear an oversized t-shirt and hippie pants out everyday since that’s the most comfortable ensemble I own; yet I refrain from this tempting possibility. I like to look nice. This is more about me communicating without having to say anything that I’m a little odd. Much like the “Hello, I’m poor” cheat from my previous post, having a pink mohawk skips the several conversations it might take for someone to realize I’m a little “out there” and clues them right in from the start. I like this because I hate smalltalk. I hate the pleasantries involved in trying to appear more or less “normal” to someone you just met. That’s not to say I’m going to launch right into talking about why cats are better than children with someone I just met, it just means that when those things do come up, they can’t really act like I didn’t warn them. I have a fucking pink mohawk after all.